death

“A penny for my thoughts, no, I sell them for a dollar

They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner

And maybe then you’ll hear the words I’ve been singing

Funny when you’re dead how people start listening”

There’s a song on the radio that plays pretty regularly. I hummed along with it the first few times I heard it, but when I sat and listened to the lyrics I realized I didn’t like it. The song’s about a premature death. The song itself is not that morbid, even though the idea behind it is, but I find it strange that this single on the radio gets so many plays. The song doesn’t give too many details about why the girl is dead, it could be suicide or just an accident, but it is strange that the tune is pretty lighthearted. It’s interesting that even though the singer gives specific instructions on how she should be buried, she also tells her mourners to save their tears for a time they’ll really need them. A song about death should be sad, but this one isn’t really.

The lyrics above especially stuck out me when I listened to the song because I started thinking about what they actually meant. I started thinking of all the people who have died for something they really stood for. Dr Martin Luther King, Jr, Gandhi, Stephen, Muslim extremists, Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln, the activists at Tahrir Square… they all had various motivations, but the point is that what they stood for, their ideas and beliefs, were only brought to light even more so once they died. Their death brought awareness.

Steve Jobs was no martyr, but I can tell you that on October 4, 2011 I had no idea who Steve Jobs was, and on October 5, 2011 I could not go online, pick up a newspaper, or glimpse at a magazine without reading his name. Even though I didn’t really care, I heard all about how he how his innovative and creative thoughts affected the common people. His death brought this to light.

I thought of all this as I was driving and listening to this song, and for a few quick seconds I honestly thought of killing myself with a carefully written out suicide letter containing all that I believe and stand for. It would include how God is love and how he desires his kingdom to come through us, and how his kingdom is peace and justice and rightness. It would include the importance of diversity, living a life with purpose and goals and vision, going outdoors, being a life-giving presence to others, and choosing joy. And it would end by saying that only Jesus brings true freedom.

I never really came to the conclusion that killing myself was necessarily a dumb idea. There are things that I believe in that I really think are worth dying for. I can die every day. I can share this message with my life every day, and I don’t have to die a physical death to do it. I just have to give my life to God day in and day out. He will use it for his purposes and his kingdom. And it is only when I give my life completely to him, that he can do whatever he wants with it to display his glory. 

He does it better than I could, anyway.